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I Don't Hate to Say, "I Told You So"
Isn't it true that way back in March you said Michael Jordan was going to come back? You must feel good about that, considering all the crap you took. Actually, when I said Jordan was going to make a comeback, I meant baseball. Next question. Mr. Donaldson. The Washington Wizards' front office reports that 4% of the Wizards' season-ticket holders gave up their seats for this season, most of them not believing Jordan was really going to do it. What do you guess those people are thinking now? They're thinking, How can I close my head in this oven? Next. Barbara Walters. How good will Jordan be? Very good. At times you won't be able to slide a slice of pizza under his shoes when he jumps, but he's still Michael Freaking Jordan. He'll be one of the top 10 players in the league, he'll average about 24 points a game, and three times a night he'll give you XL goose bumps because a) he's got the best three of his life; b) he'll be able to get it off against the new zone defenses; and c) who's he going to pass to, Tyrone Nesby? Next. Mr. Cronkite. Can Jordan take the Wizards to the next level? Definitely. Unfortunately that new level is Dreadful, just up from Suck. Mr. Blitzer? Is it true that the day after you wrote about Jordan's comeback, his own agent, David Falk, called and said, "Somebody's lying to you"? Who was he talking about? Himself. I have a follow-up. Did Fox Sports Net's Jack Haley also rip you mercilessly back then? Yes, he did. Who is Fox Sports Net's Jack Haley? I have no idea. Next. Mr. Roker. Who wins in all this? The Wizards come out looking like Miss Universe. They sign arguably the greatest player in history at a 97% discount ($1 million instead of the $33.1 million he made his last season). The value of the franchise may double. Plus, he'll probably play two seasons, after which they should have acres of cap room. But the biggest winner is probably the Wizards' first-round pick, 19-year-old forward Kwame Brown. "Instead of getting abused by veterans, he gets embraced by the king of basketball," says Wizards assistant coach Johnnie Bach. On the bus, on the court, at dinners, the 38-year-old Jordan is giving Brown a crash course in NBA life. After all, when grasshopper Brown was barely two years old, master Jordan was already a pro. The other night, Jordan yelled at Brown to get dressed before the media came in. (Jordan almost never presents himself to the public without looking like a Neiman Marcus catalog.) The lessons aren't free, though. After practice, Brown has to shoot against Jordan for cash money and almost always loses. As Jordan tells him, "You reach. I teach." Mr. Springer. Is it true that Chicago Sun-Times writer Lacy Banks wrote back in March that if you had simply checked with either Jordan, Falk or Jordan's personal trainer, Tim Grover -- all of whom denied that Jordan was coming back -- you would've saved yourself "a lot of embarrassment"? Yes, it is. What do you think you get when you're a guy named Lacy? A lot of embarrassment. Next. Mr. Woodward and Mr. Bernstein. What should we look for this Tuesday night when Jordan goes against the New York Knicks in his first regular-season game? Look for a smile on Jordan's face the size of a cantaloupe slice. I've never seen him relish basketball so much. And look for the game to be sent to 210 countries, which makes it the most widely broadcast NBA regular-season game in history. What would you rather watch: Jordan or World Series players setting records in the spit, scratch and stall? Last question. Mr. Murrow. Clear back in March, when you said Jordan would be back, did the New York Post's Peter Vecsey write, "What's next? Amelia Earhart alive? ... Earth to Rick, Elvis is dead, and Jordan ain't returning to play for the Wizards!"? Yes, he did. Have you seen him lately? No. I hear he's covering the big Amelia Earhart landing. Issue date: October 29, 2001 Don't miss The Life of Reilly (Total/SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, $22.95) -- a best-of compilation of Rick Reilly's columns and features, with a foreword written by Charles Barkley, available now at bookstores everywhere.
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